Shining Stars and Dead Duck Planets come into alignment for Yes!
Long, Long, Ago
in a galaxy not very far away
an evil empire came into being
which exploited indigenous
peoples for all they were worth
leaving them subjugated and
without dignity. This empire was
controlled from a DARK STAR
Legends and Plonkers:
1. Venus, The Bringer of Peace (Newspeak)
Magrit “where there is discord” Thatch-ur
Known throughout the galaxy as The Iron Lady
Ex Yoo-K PM and Dark Overlord of 18yrs Tory warmongering and sleaze.
2. Mars, The Bringer of War (Truespeak)
Ton-i “who wants a fight” Blare
Ex Yoo-K PM and Leader of Nuke Labour.
3. Saturn, The Bringer of Auld Age
Flash “Broony” Gordon.
Ex Yoo-K PM what we didn’t vote for.
(And what did he do to our pension-pot?)
4. Obi-wan Alexsammin
First Meenister and Leader of the Scotia Rebels
And a Jedi Knight as well.
5. Princess Nico-leia
Deputy Leader of the Scotia Rebels and Leader of the Referendumarians.
6. Jupiter, The Bringer of Jollity
(except the joke is on us)
A Catastrophic Coalition of Clowns and Balloons, soon to be burst.
6.1 Io, First Jovian Moon
Dave “I’m a big fearty” Cameroonbar
Descended from Scotias but now an elitist Tory toff
and another Yoo-K Prime Meenister what we didn’t vote for.
6.2 Europa, Second Jovian Moon
Nik “I’m a twat” Cleggonmyface
Deputy Dawg PM, breaker of promises, and Leader of the Lib- Dums (currently being kicked into outer space).
6.3 Ganymede, Third Jovian Moon
Gideon “Naw, ye cannae” Ozzyozborne
A truly evil Underlord not quite as nice as Ming the Merciless.
6.4 Callisto, Fourth Jovian Moon
Eon Dunkin “donkey” Smiff.
Lord of the DWP (Department of Workshy and Pensioners
and Taxman to the loons wi’ Extra Bedrooms.
7. Pluto, Lapdog to the Tories
Ali-stare “I never lie (blink, blink)” Darkling
Known also as “Flipper” and cardboard Leader of Planet No.
8. Black Hole
Implosion of the once powerful fighters for social justice and equality.
Ex-socialists, now Lost in Deep Space and the undemocratic House of Layabouts.
9. White Dwarf
Jo-han “see that alicksammin” Lamentable
Also known as a degenerate dwarf it is very dense and after Independence Day will be shot so far out into the far corner of the known universe you will not be able to see her even with an electron telescope. Leader of the Scotia Labourites Who Say Naw.
10. Labour for Independence
Scotia Labourites Who Say Aye.
Rising stars with a truly socialist vision waiting to replace SLAB.
11. Kipper Comet
Uber Kok Immigration Preventers
Here today, gone tomorrow in Scotia (hopefully). Waste-of-spacers.
12. Uranus, The Magician
Dan-ee “Beaker” Alexunderhan
Muppet-puppet mouthpiece of Ganymede and conjurer who can pluck fantastical figures out of a hat and present them as not made up.
13. A New Star in the Firmament
Jean-Claude “Aye, ye can” Junker
New President of the Confederation of Ee-U States
14. Margo the Magnificent
Even though she has already passed over to the bright side, her voice and presence can still be heard in the form of a hologram on board the MargoMobile bus. Ding, ding, what a star!
15. Wee Green Man
Patrick “Yoda” Harvie
Grand Master of the Jedi Order. A prophet and
Leader of the I Love the Planet Party
16. Asteroid Belt and Braces
A spontaneous explosion of newly formed stars bringing the truth to all Scotia on doorsteps and on the internet shining bright and powerful starlight on the moonshine from Planet No.
Includes: Wings, Bella, and an astronomical phenomenon called Wee Ginger Dug.